Suffering and Stanford: Reflecting on the Meaning of Trials as I Start My New Job

"They preached the good news to that city and made many disciples, then they returned to Lystra and to Iconium and to Antioch, strengthening and establishing the hearts of the disciples; encouraging them to remain firm in the faith, saying, ‘It is through many tribulations and hardships that we must enter the kingdom of God’.”

Acts 14:21-22

“​​Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

1 Peter 4:12-13

A couple of months ago and a few past Sundays, I was traveling out of state with my mom and we decided to watch mass online. During the pandemic, we’d come to love watching Father Mike Schmitz’s online masses. His enthusiasm, stories, and Catholic wisdom kept us captivated despite staring at a computer screen to worship. His homilies specifically kept me in tune with God and his plan for me, revealing to me in times of doubt that God really does have my back despite so much suffering.

On this specific Sunday, Father Schmitz was discussing the lie that’s so prevalent in our world today: that God wants what we want for ourselves, whether it's the promotion we applied for, the relationship we want to last, or the future we think is best. Moreover, God does want us to be happy, but that doesn’t mean suffering isn’t part of the plan. And why is that? Why would God want us to suffer? “Why do we have to undergo many trials?,” Father Schmitz asked. “Because we’re not yet the people we ought to be.”

Suffering transforms us into the best version of ourselves and prepares us for future trials.

I couldn’t help but resonate with this idea as one week prior to this trip, I’d been accepted to Stanford University School of Medicine’s inaugural REACH Post-bac Program. REACH stands for Racial Equity to Advance a Community of Health and this program is meant to train the next generation of leaders who will promote health equity and work to reduce health disparities. As one of 20 scholars, I will be employed as a clinical researcher and working with a Stanford affiliated lab. I will also be trained on important issues regarding health and racial equity, in addition to receiving help to apply to medical school regarding the MCAT and other medical school application components.

As I sat there in our hotel room, soaking in what Father Schmitz said, I reflected on the suffering I’d endured as a person, and specifically as a student. Things haven’t exactly gone to my plan. Entering college as a pre-med student, I expected to go straight to medical school. Then my goal got delayed by a year. Then two years. Then three years. And recently, four. I didn’t understand why I had to undergo this trial when many of my peers didn’t.

I also remember applying to Stanford University as a high schooler. When I wasn’t accepted, I was heartbroken. I wanted to stay in sunny California, be close to family, and attend a university with a hospital. But God sent me to New Jersey, away from my family and into the cold. Now that I reflect back on why I didn’t get accepted to Stanford and why I was accepted to Princeton, I understand. This experience shaped me into the young woman I am today. Maybe I wouldn’t be who I am meant to be without venturing across the country to an unknown place far from my family. Maybe I would have graduated with debt, or been disillusioned from medicine. I’ll never know, but I trust God does.

Being accepted to the REACH Post-bac Program has also given me insight into God’s plan for me. For instance, I now understand that I wasn’t meant to apply to medical school this year, because I’ll now be able to do this program for two years, instead of one; perhaps increasing my odds of getting into medical school as I will have completed more research and have more time to get published. I also now understand that I wasn't supposed to stay local for my undergraduate education because I needed time to be independent and discover myself. Now that my aunt has recently passed and I feel I need to be geographically closer to my family, Stanford is the perfect location where I can see them frequently while advancing my career. Through REACH, I will be conducting research at a dermatology lab, hopefully bettering my understanding of the field and connecting with amazing dermatologists so I can one day match into dermatology and become a dermatologist myself.

Today is the first day of my new job as a clinical researcher and I am so excited! I feel blessed, thankful and happy, and I can't wait to spend the next two years here at Stanford. But beyond these emotions, I feel reflective. It’s hard knowing someone else knows what’s best for me considering that we all want control over our lives and feel that we know what's best for ourselves. But it’s also comforting. It’s nice to know that all these “delays”, all these disappointments, are leading me to be the best version of myself and live the best version of my life. I know these hardships and trials will also help me become the physician God knows I can be for the patients I will one day serve.

Overall, there is meaning to the suffering we endure and God is preparing me for what is yet to come. I never thought I would ever be doing research at Stanford University School of Medicine, but God did, and I can't wait to see what he has in store next!

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