2023: A Year of Blessings, Sacrifices and Hope

“By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance; he went out, not knowing where he was to go.” Hebrews: 11:8

As 2023 comes to an end, I am reflective of the year it has been. I realize now that nothing could have prepared me for the high’s and low’s that accompanied this year…

2022 ended with an amazing surprise/gift from my mom: a trip to Paris for our birthdays! As 2023 began, I took a brief break from studying for the MCAT to enjoy my favorite city in the world. While the trip was an incredible way to spend my 25th birthday week, this joyous trip was sometimes overshadowed by a somber reminder: every inch of the city reminded me of my late aunt, Patti.

I had never gone to Paris without my aunt, and when she got sick, we promised her we would take her to Paris once she got better. I speak about my aunt a lot because she was such a significant part of my life. Besides my mom, she was the person I confided in the most. The past two years, it’s been difficult not having her, and I’ve struggled with understanding why it was her time to go.

I mention her passing often regarding my pre-med journey because pre-meds are people after all, with normal lives and emotions. It would be great if our academic lives were unaffected by illness and death. But that is simply not the reality. Life happens and we react as humans. I delayed applying to medical school in 2022 because my aunt passed a month before I was supposed to take the MCAT, and I want everyone to know that it’s ok to do that too - there is no perfect timeline.

When I came back from Paris, I began working on my personal statement and studying more intensely for the MCAT. Studying was difficult for several reasons. First, the test itself is hard. Personally, the material itself isn’t too difficult but I struggled with the test format and just finishing each section with enough time. It was also difficult working full time and studying for the MCAT part time. Many people don’t work at all while studying, but I had to.

Most days, I would work from 9 AM to 5 PM. Then, I would make dinner, go on a walk, and study from 8 PM to midnight or 1 AM. On Wednesdays, I would shadow at the VA and work late, pushing back my study time. Between working five days a week, and studying six days a week, there was often no extra time to do anything else. I even missed my mom’s birthday because I had to take a practice exam.

I was tired from constantly using my brain between my job and studying, and not sleeping as much as I would like, and I was unhappy having to devote all my extra time to studying. But these are the sacrifices we make for the goals we want to reach. 

After I took the MCAT in March, I anxiously awaited my score for an entire month! Fortunately, I finally got to rest and enjoy the things I had missed. I worked on my personal statement and even celebrated taking the MCAT with a trip to Napa with my best friends from college.

After receiving my score in April, I decided to retake the test. While I was not looking forward to hunkering down again and studying, I felt the first time was valuable experience that would help me for second test. I’m learning to never see anything as a waste, but instead view it as experience and preparation for the future.

Retaking the test also meant postponing my trip to LA until after my test. I distinctly remember a friend messaging me and asking what I would be doing the weekend I was supposed to be in LA. I had been studying all day and went to pick up some In-n-out, too tired to cook. As I sat in my car alone on a Saturday night, I read her text message saying she would be going out to dinner and then going dancing.

It hit me at that moment that this was the life I had chosen, and that this was just the beginning. I got emotional. Fighting back tears, I got out of my car to study.

I also postponed my trip to LA because I would be traveling in May, first to Hawaii for my cousin’s graduation and then to Tokyo, Japan for work. On our way to the airport, my mom shared with our Uber driver that I was traveling to Japan to present my research and that I was in the process of applying to medical school. Our Uber driver was from Columbia, and in Spanish my mom said to him, “I am watching all of my hard work come to fruition through my daughter.”

Like many first-gen students, I forget how far of a road I’ve traversed. I get caught up in the minutiae and I lose sight of the larger, more important picture. In that moment, I realized my hard work and sacrifices were not being done in vain. It gave me a bit of fuel to continue my goal of retaking the MCAT and applying to medical school.

While I was in Hawaii celebrating my cousin’s graduation, the clinical research coordinator that trained me and was in charge of our study left for medical school. Consequently, I took over control of our neurofibromatosis (NF1) study. From Hawaii, I also began filling out my AMCAS primary application.

As others began preparing to submit their primary application later that month, I was nowhere near submitting. I began getting very anxious, worrying if I should have gone to Hawaii and if I should be going to Tokyo. I tried to enjoy my cousin’s graduation, time with my family, and the beauty and tranquility of Honolulu, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that I should be working on my application and/or studying to retake the MCAT instead.

However, landing in Tokyo and training into the city from the airport, my anxiety vanished with each passing mile on the bullet train. I began to cry. Traveling here had been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I no longer felt I had made a mistake. Instead, I had accomplished a life-long dream.

Overall, visiting Japan was an amazing experience! It was my first dermatology conference and my first poster presentation related to medicine. I also got to sight-see and completely fell in love with the country’s constant juxtaposition of historic/traditional and modern/innovative elements.

Returning from Japan, I deep-dove into MCAT studying again. This time around, I worked more on timing so I could finish each section and answer confidently. I also took two weeks off of work before my test. I really wish I would have done this the first time around. I recommend focusing solely on the MCAT for as long as possible, though I know not working/taking time off work for most first-gen students is a very difficult thing to do.

I also began thinking about when I should submit my primary app. I’m a very religious person and my Catholic faith informs most of my decisions. I decided it made the most sense to submit my application on a Catholic feast day that was memorable to me.

I sat on my couch and opened up my laptop. I searched “June 25 feast day.” St. William of Vercelli’s name appeared, but I had never heard of him. I searched again “June 26 feast day.” This time it was St. Josemaria Escriva de Balaguer, but I didn’t know much about him. Finally, I entered “June 27 feast day,” and to my delight Our Lady of Perpetual Help appeared on the screen.

Growing up, I would sit in my grandmother’s room, watching her iron clothes as I organized buttons by color. As I sat on her bed, I would admire a painting of Mary, dressed in black and gold, holding the child Jesus. As I got older, I came to learn that it was Our Lady of Perpetual Help, the 15th-century Byzantine icon of the Madonna and Child. I also discovered that my grandmother had a special devotion to her, even naming one of my aunts after her.

I marked my calendar.

On June 17, I retook the MCAT and five days later, I traveled to Scottsdale, Arizona to recruit participants for my study at the annual NF Conference. Weeks earlier, I had been contacted by Neutrogena about attending an event of theirs in New York. I was honored they reached out considering I wasn’t even a medical student.

However, I wasn’t able to attend as it coincided with the NF Conference. I had already taken off time from work to prepare to retake the MCAT and I knew my priority after my test had to be work. The year 2023 had a theme of learning what things to choose and what things to sacrifice.

While the conference was an amazing way to learn about NF1 and connect with those with the condition and researchers in the field of NF, it was also such a nice way to celebrate retaking the MCAT. I had been studying since September of 2022, only taking off a few weeks. The conference was held at such a luxurious resort, I felt like I was on vacation in the evenings. So often in medicine, we aren’t able to take breaks. I’m learning it’s important to enjoy every moment of relaxation, no matter how small.

My last day in Scottsdale was a Sunday and I searched for a Catholic Church. To my surprise, there was a local mission built in the 1910s by Mexicans. It was named Our Lady of Perpetual Help. It was a famous mission, even having been visited by Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa. I saw this as a sign that I should apply this cycle and it confirmed that I should indeed apply on June 27.

When I returned from Arizona, I submitted my primary application and what an amazing feeling it was to finally do something I had been working towards since I was seventeen!

During July, I began pre-writing my secondary applications and reaching out to medical students at different schools. I really recommend knowing at least one current student at each medical school you apply to as this gave me a better idea of the school’s curriculum/mission and what to focus on when writing my secondary essays.

In August, my application was approved and I began receiving secondaries from the medical schools I applied to. I’ve been pretty quiet about my medical school application cycle because it is a private and grueling process. You can be the most qualified applicant, and still not be sure how/if it’ll work out. Statistically, most applicants (60%) don’t even receive one acceptance. Half of those accepted only receive one acceptance.

Most pre-med students apply to twenty to thirty medical schools; I only applied to eighteen. While I used MSAR to create my list, I also wanted to be honest with myself about where I could really see myself thriving, and this shortened my list. I took location, pass/fail, culture, research opportunities, and patient population into account.

August and September consisted of coffee shops and secondaries. While others would much rather study for the MCAT than write secondaries, I was more than happy to answer essay prompts. While I’m no Maya Angelou, I’ve become much more comfortable writing between college and writing for Latinx en Medicina. Knowing how to express oneself and allowing the reader to enter your mind is such a beautiful and powerful tool.

The process of applying to medical school, from deciding when to apply to writing my primary and secondary applications, really emphasized to me the importance of having mentors, and good mentors at that. I’m immensely thankful to all my friends and mentors who helped edit and review my primary application and secondaries.

As October loomed around, I began feeling panicked. Others were starting to receive interview invites and I was not. October is also my late aunt, Patti’s, birthday month in addition to it being Breast Cancer Awareness month. The entire month I questioned if I would get an interview. This anxiety was exacerbated by questioning why my aunt died so young from such a horrific condition. With each passing year, I think I come more to terms with her death. I still don’t quite understand why she was taken when she was but I’ve learned to give thanks for the time we shared together and the wonderful memories we made.

In November, I prayed a lot regarding my application and I felt God sent different people into my life with messages concerning hope and trusting in His plan. For instance, during mass one day, the priest said “Hope is not believing that everything will go as you want, but believing that whatever happens will make sense in the end.” I needed to hear that.

In December, I visited Boston and New York City. I had never been to Boston and wanted to experience New York City during Christmas. I also wanted to see my friends from college that are on the east coast. I had an amazing time and the trip was also a great break from constantly being anxious regarding my medical school application.

When I returned, I received my first interview. It was the best Christmas present I could have asked for!

This year I was blessed to travel so much and accomplish a goal I had been working towards for so long: taking the MCAT and applying to medical school. It also taught me to make important sacrifices for my goals and remember that nothing is a waste if it can be used as a learning experience. 2023 - especially concerning accepting my aunt’s death and going through the medical school application process - taught me that sometimes things don’t make sense in the moment, but they will with time. God doesn’t make mistakes. We must do our part and he will do his.

On the last day of 2023, the mass reading included: “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance; he went out, not knowing where he was to go.” God doesn’t want our faith in Him to stay stagnant, and I’m learning to use these difficult trials as opportunities to trust in Him. in 2024, though I may not know where I’m going, by faith, I will go.